It was a subdued group that met in the courtyard that morning. The storm of the night before might have ended, but the bleak, heavy gray clouds overhead seemed to be a constant threat of more bad weather. If he'd had any hope of it clearing in the next few days, or any hope that Miaka would recover on her own, the Emperor would have postponed the journey. As it was, however, they had no choice in the matter. And really, aside from the rain, they had bigger problems.

Hotohori's biggest concern, apart from Miaka's health, was the state of their group of seishi. The strife and discord between they three could not continue as it was, but for now, Hotohori could not see a way clear to fixing it. After last night, he greatly feared that any hope of true peace between he and Nuriko was gone for good. Oh, the woman was acting amiable enough since she'd showed up this morning, but there was an icy chill in her eyes every time he or Tamahome attempted to engage her in conversation. The only one that she was being truly friendly and caring towards, ironically enough, was Suzaku no Miko... a girl she'd hated just a few days earlier. Miaka wasn't doing much better. She would not meet his eyes, was still shy of getting too close to him after the other night. She also seemed to have developed an aversion to Tamahome and he to her. It was enough to make the Emperor's head spin.

There was, unfortunately, no help for it. They had to make this journey and they had to make it together. He couldn't even send Miaka with a set of guards. He couldn't trust that that would be enough to keep her safe and it would slow them down. So... really there was no choice. In the interest of making peace, and to show everyone that for the purpose of this journey they would all be equals, Hotohori cupped his hands to offer Nuriko a leg up to her horse. He was surprised that she accepted... until she took the opportunity to "accidentally" kick him in the head. Hotohori heaved a huge sigh. It was going to be a long trip.

Nuriko couldn't help but smile as she noted the slight discoloration forming near the Emperor's left eye as he laid down to sleep that night. It had been a purely instinctual impulse, but one she'd been unable to ignore. After all, turnabout might be fair play... but payback was a bitch. Once he and Tamahome were settled into their sleeping rolls, Nuriko turned to the other side of camp to check on Miaka. The girl had walked off into the trees to relieve herself almost 5 minutes ago and had yet to return. Having decided to take her role of protector seriously, Nuriko found herself loathe to let the girl stumble around unaided, especially being as sick as she was.

After a few minutes of searching, she finally found the miko kneeling down with her head pressed against a tree, face flushed. She dropped down next to her and lightly gripped her shoulder, "Suzaku no miko?"

The girl turned to her, eyes somewhat glazed, "Nuriko?"

The Suzaku seishi sighed, "Of course, Miaka." The poor girl looked exhausted. Something was going to have to be done about all the tension between them before it frayed the girl further than it already had. She could do nothing about Miaka's worries over the Emperor other than keep the man away from her while she slept, but Tamahome... perhaps she could do something to fix the awkwardness between them. Not that Tamahome was her first choice for the miko's affection anymore, far from it, but she did seem honestly taken with him. If she could relieve some of the tension between them, it just might help. But how...?

Eyeing the girl's short skirt, she suppressed a shiver, "Miaka... I don't wish to question your sense of fashion, but perhaps on a night this chill you would do better to dress more warmly? I am certain I have enough clothing that we could share." Silently she added, And I wouldn't have to fight off the urge to gut him every time I caught the Emperor staring at those bare legs of yours...

Miaka offered her a brilliant smile, "Nuriko... that is so kind. Thank you, but I'll be all right. I don’t want to get you sick, as well."

A mischievous idea forming, Nuriko offered an alternative, "There is said to be a hot spring in these woods. Legend grants it healing properties. Perhaps that would help?"

The miko offered her a genuine smile and nodded. Nuriko pointed her in the right direction. Miaka ran off, pausing only long enough to throw an admonishment over her shoulder, "Don't tell Tamahome or Hotohori!"

Nuriko waved at the miko's retreating back, a glint in her eyes. Of course, not, Miaka-chan... I wouldn't dream of it. Instead, she did the next best thing. She just grabbed Tamahome by the ankle and dragged him to the opposite edge of the spring. She then made her way around to the spring source and picked up a dead log to release into the spring. Once the miko saw it coming her way and began screaming... the fun would begin. Climbing up into a nearby tree, Nuriko settled down to wait. She didn't have to wait long.

As Miaka saw the log approaching from upstream, she let out a mighty scream. Nuriko felt a twinge of guilt at the fear she clearly caused the girl, but a moment later she was ready to cheer. Tamahome did not disappoint. Hearing that shriek, he leapt from his bedroll and immediately dove after the foul beast that dared harm his miko. Nuriko about fell out of the tree, she was laughing so hard. It was positively amazing what the sleeping mind revealed about a man's true feelings. And sleep-befuddled as he was, when confronted by Miaka, he actually offered her the truth. Nuriko found her attitude towards the other seishi softening, for in that moment, he sounded so very young and more than a little bit lost himself.

When Tamahome had gone, Nuriko leapt lightly down from the tree and attempted to make a silent retreat. Apparently, she should have waited. That girl had ears like a cat! No sooner had Nuriko's feet touched the ground than Miaka was upon her. What she really didn't expect, however, was that immediately upon the heels of being accused of treachery, Miaka was hugging her and thanking her! Well... that reconciliation had gone well, but still, she didn't appreciate being manhandled like that.

As she tried to delicately extricate herself from the younger girl, Miaka only seemed to become more attached. She had a good grip on Nuriko's dress and was shaking her back and forth in her exuberance. Nuriko had but one brief moment to realize exactly how this could severely backfire... when it did exactly that. The tie around her waist had loosened from the shaking and the dress, being just a little too big, slid down her shoulders to bare her to mid-chest. Abruptly the shaking stopped. Nuriko's face did a slow burn.

Miaka, for her part, was staring at Nuriko's chest -- and what was clearly not there. She stammered a few syllables, none of which Nuriko caught, then abruptly jerked herself backwards with a little scream, "You're a man???"

For just a moment, Nuriko's mind completely froze. Never had he thought that this sort of thing could happen. People in this world kept a respectable distance from each other. They weren't like Suzaku no Miko, running around hugging and shaking and molesting each other! His mind running in frantic little circles, it took him several precious moments to come up with an answer. Forcing a lightness into his smile that he didn't truly feel, Nuriko gave Miaka one of "Kourin's" best Court laughs and said, "Yes, I'm a man. So what?"

Miaka's eyes narrowed and she said with suspicion, "But you're in love with the Emperor! And you kissed Tamahome!"

Nuriko continued to treat the subject as flippantly as he could, as though people in his world did this sort of thing all the time -- after all, for all the miko knew, they might. It was his only hope for salvation, to convince her that this was of such little consequence that she wouldn't feel the need to inform the Emperor of her little discovery. Giggling lightly into his hand he forced a twinkle into his eyes, "Well, of course. I've given up the path of manhood for love."

Miaka twitched at him for another several moments, then seemed to abruptly come to terms with what he had said, "Well... I suppose I can understand that." She offered him a conspiratory wink, "I've read my share of boys' love manga, you know. And in America, I've heard they turn men into women all the time."

If he weren't trying to play things so cool, Nuriko would have twitched at Miaka's abrupt acceptance. Men becoming women? They must have some powerful magic to accomplish that. But what really caused him confusion... "What do you mean, 'boys' love manga'?"

To his surprise, Miaka giggled and a small blush crept across her features, "Well, manga are books written in the form of picture stories." At Nuriko's continued confusion, she elaborated, "The author draws several pictures in sequence and writes the dialogue in with the pictures to tell the story." When she saw that Nuriko understood, she continued, "And manga that are 'boys' love' are romantic stories between two men. A lot of girls where I'm from secretly read them."

Nuriko felt a stab of envy so fierce it almost overwhelmed him. It was so unfair! If he lived in Miaka's world, not only could he and the Emperor have been together, there would have been no social stigma against it! He was forced to look away from the blushing girl, but did respond, "What a different world you live in, Suzaku no Miko. You wear skirts that bare your legs, you hug people who are not family, you will run around unchaperoned with a man... and the men in your world are free to love each other without fear of reprisal." To his surprise, Nuriko felt his voice getting rough with emotion, "I wish I could see such a place..."

Miaka, seeming to understand that this was not as carefree a subject as she had first thought, laid a gentle hand on Nuriko's shoulder. Her voice was full of sad understanding, "No wonder you're always so angry all the time. Does anyone else know?"

Nuriko shook his head, "No one who matters... besides you."

A note of awe crept into her voice, "Not even your servant?"

A choked laugh, "Especially not her. While I love Emi dearly, one of the reasons we get along so well is that she is a terrible gossip. I would never live it down if anyone at Court were to find out."

Miaka's small hand eased from Nuriko's shoulder to slide around his back and squeeze him lightly to her, "You must be so lonely..."

Nuriko let out another bitter laugh, "I never really gave much thought to it. I've been living this lie for so long, it began to feel like truth. And one in my position does not acquire many friends anyway. So how would I know the difference?"

Another squeeze, "Well, you will now. I meant what I said the other night -- I think you could use a friend and I'd like to be your first one. Friends keep each other's secrets, it's part of what makes them friends. But, if you ever want to talk to someone about it... well, that's another thing that friend's are good for."

And just as Miaka felt the need to borrow words from their other conversation, so too did Nuriko, "I really don't deserve you, Miaka... but I think I'll keep you just the same. Thank you."

Brushing a light kiss against her new friend's cheek, Miaka simply said, "You're welcome." She then gathered up her clothes and scampered off to dress and settle down for the night.

Nuriko, hand pressed to the cheek where he could still feel the warmth of Miaka's lips, looked up into the night sky and smiled, "You were right as usual Kourin... I think I do like her. Good night, imouto-chan... wherever you are."

The next afternoon, however, Nuriko was not feeling quite as charitable. It was with a now familiar flash of hurt that he found Miaka cuddled up to the Emperor on that hillside. Sure there might be a perfectly logical explanation -- knowing how the Emperor had once ordered their miko to spend the night in his rooms, this might be another page out of that same story... or it might not be. Miaka looked awfully comfortable tucked up against the Emperor and she wasn't exactly struggling to get away. But Nuriko pushed down the hurt as best he was able and tried to give his new friend the benefit of doubt. That didn't mean he was going to trust her easily, though. Once they were back in the woods, leading their horses down the tricky paths, he maneuvered it so that he was side-by-side with the Emperor and she was walking with Tamahome. Ostensibly, he did it to give the younger pair some time alone... no one needed to know he had an ulterior motive.

After they'd been walking for the better part of an hour, Hotohori abruptly stopped. Nuriko walked up beside him, and allowed his voice to practically ooze with goodwill, "Is something wrong, Hotohori-sama?"

The other man frowned, "Does something seem strange to you, Nuriko?"

Choosing to interpret that as an invitation to flirt, though he could clearly see it wasn't, Nuriko responded with, "Oh, no, Hotohori-sama! I think we make a wonderful couple!" It was just too tempting to find ever more new and exciting ways to make the Emperor uncomfortable -- it wasn't his fault that he couldn't seem to pass one up!

Hotohori actually blushed a little in response. Ever since that day that Nuriko had chastised him, not allowing him off the hook for the way he'd been treated, the Emperor had been exceedingly uncomfortable around him. It almost seemed as though he knew he'd done wrong and that he knew he should apologize, but didn't know how. And given his rank, it was very possible that he never had had to apologize before. Not that Nuriko was going to cut him any slack. The Emperor made a vague waving motion at the trees around them, "I meant this fog. Isn't it a little early in the day for it? And it feels like we've been going in circles."

Nuriko bit off a small curse. Damn. He'd been so intent on playing his little games with the other seishi and their miko that he'd missed something obvious right in front of his face, "No... you're right, Hotohori-sama. Something is wrong." Extending his senses outward, he finally detected what he should have sensed the moment they walked into this trap. This fog was no natural fog. It was laced with magic -- powerful magic. Hotohori's chi was a bright blaze immediately to his left, Tamahome's a little further out but rapidly getting closer... where was Miaka?? Heart starting to beat a little faster, Nuriko cast about for the feel of the girl's chi. All seishi had a connection to their miko. He should be able to sense her as easily as he did the other seishi! So where was she?

Tamahome soon walked into view in front of them. Their miko wasn't with him. Nuriko all but pounced on him, "Tamahome! Where is Miaka?"

The boy at least had the grace to look embarrassed, "The fog got thick and we got separated. I couldn't find her, so I thought I should come back here and find you."

Hotohori spoke up, "You did the right thing, Tamahome. It'll be easier to find her if we all look. Just don't wander off out of shouting distance. In this fog, it would be altogether too easy for us all to become lost."

Two hours later, Nuriko was growing quietly frantic. After carefully searching that entire section of woods, they still had not found the miko. More worrying to him, however, was that he still could not sense the girl, Could my connection to her be so weak? Or could something have happened to her? Though the former embarrassed him severely, he certainly preferred it to the possibility of the latter.

As they three met back up, however, fate seemed to be finally on their side in something. Miaka walked up to join the group as though it was nothing strange that they'd been separated all that time. Stepping up the battlefield without even a pause, Tamahome got right into her face, "Where have you been?"

And that was the first indication that something was dreadfully wrong. Miaka smiled... and it wasn't her smile. After a moment of horrified realization, Nuriko recognized it as her own. It was her own at its most cruel. Miaka shrugged off the question with a demure, "Nowhere special," before leaning up to get into Tamahome's personal space and asking, "Why, Tamahome? Were you worried about me?" The insincerity that oozed out of Miaka's normally bright and honest voice almost made Nuriko ill to hear. All the more so because he recognized each and every one of these new tricks as one of "Kourin's" own. Of all the things he would have wished to teach his miko, Kourin's bitter cruelty would never have been one of them.

As Tamahome spluttered and attempted to deny Miaka's words, the Emperor stepped into the awkward moment with a heartfelt, "Well, in any case, we're all glad you're all right."

Then in a very uncharacteristic move, Miaka stepped away from Tamahome, dismissing him and his concerns with barely a thought. Something was very wrong here, very-- What?? Nuriko watched in benumbed horror as Miaka flung her arms around Hotohori-sama and responded to his comment with a melodramatic, "Please forgive me, darling! I never wanted to cause you worry!"

Eh?? The part of Nuriko's mind that wasn't frozen in shock was quickly filling with a feeling of heart-clenching betrayal. This... this was what he should have expected from the beginning. Miaka was just like all the others! Pretending to be friendly just to gain enough information to utterly destroy her rival. She'd been scamming him this whole time! And that he'd fallen for those doe eyes and her "sincere" words! Shaking with anger, Nuriko forgot the one thing that he shouldn't have forgotten. Miaka, revealed as the scheming woman that she clearly was, had leverage over him... leverage that not only could humiliate him, it could get him banished at the very least, executed at the worst. And this true Miaka wouldn't hesitate to use that leverage.

Catching the growl emanating from the feminine seishi, Miaka turned those glazed, self-satisfied eyes on her "friend". She let her lips stretch into another of those smiles and asked, "Problem, Nuriko?"

Still missing the significance of what was happening here, Nuriko merely grated out, "Yes, dear friend, there is. You seem to have had a bit of an attitude adjustment in the last few hours. I can't exactly say I like the change."

Miaka's smile oozed with that satisfaction, "Really, Nuriko, I thought you'd be proud. After all, I've learned the lessons you taught me oh-so-well... Just because the student has surpassed the teacher is no reason to be jealous." She paused, face taking on a thoughtful look, "Or is that not why you're jealous?" Hugging the Emperor more tightly to her, she smirked in Nuriko's direction. And just like last night, the indigo-haired seishi recognized the danger too late to do anything about it. His face drained of all color as he heard Miaka say the words that would spell out his doom...

"And besides, you really should give up on Hotohori. I mean, it's ridiculous. You're a man."

Those words... they bit deeply and drew blood. He should have known better. He really should have known better. He had known how dangerous it was to trust, to allow someone in, and had ignored that hard won knowledge. This was the price. You let people in, you let yourself love them and they always leave... and then they break your heart as they walk out the door. My sister did it to me. My parents did it, too. My adoptive parents did it. And now Miaka. Well. This is a lesson I won't have to learn again, so I suppose I have to thank you for that, Suzaku no Miko. Lesson learned. I'm done.

Gathering up his dignity as best he could, ignoring the shocked gazes of his fellow seishi, Nuriko matched his miko stare for stare, "I appreciate the lesson, Miaka-sama. I knew in my heart that I shouldn't trust you... any of you. I won't make that mistake again, you have my word on that." Then, turning his cold gaze on the Emperor, he spat out these words, "Good luck getting either to Mt. Taikyoku or back to the capital without me, heika-sama. May you get everything you deserve." Then, holding onto his composure with tooth and nail, he fled the scene.

Hotohori watched Nuriko go with an expression of stunned disbelief. The fact that Nuriko... that Lady Kourin was a man... it was almost incomprehensible. It had been strange enough when there had been a woman who's beauty matched his own... but now he was to believe that another man was as beautiful as he? Those surface thoughts protected him from examining the root of his confusion too closely. As confusing as Lady Kourin's actions had been before... how much more were they now? She had been sent to Court as a potential bride, willingly allowed herself to be imprisoned behind the castle's walls... when she hadn't had to? There must be more to the story than this! None of it made sense.

And now there was Miaka. Such a sweet, gentle, honest girl... Why had she thought that Lady Kourin's-- damn it! Nuriko's behavior had been a good idea to emulate? She knew how he felt about that Lady's backstabbing ways... he hadn't thought her capable of such cruelty. Perhaps, at the root of it, all women were alike. Maybe that was why Nuriko had chosen to pursue men...

He allowed Miaka to lead him off into the trees for a private conversation. And the words that then came from her lips! At once they were the sweetest balm to his soul and at the same time a claxon warning bell. Certainly a woman could change her mind faster than the wind, but this... something was off in Miaka's behavior. Maybe it was just his inability to accept that his beloved, long-awaited miko could be as cruel as the vindictive Lady who had chased him all year. Maybe it was that he was still idealistic enough to believe that there could be a perfect woman out there for him. Whatever it was, he refused to believe that his open, honest and loving miko could in just a few hours turn into this.

Drawing his sword, he backed the woman away from him, "Who are you?" At her confused look, he pressed on, praying he was right, "The Miaka I know doesn't act like this! Who are you really?"

Miaka smiled... Lady Kourin's Court smile... and then all hell broke loose.

Nuriko, exhausted, finally stopped running. Away from those horrified stares, away from those betraying eyes, he could finally think. Something had been very wrong with what happened back there. He'd been so hurt, so caught up in his own fear and desperation, that he'd failed to notice a few very vital signs of something wrong -- like where had Miaka gotten the mirror she'd been carrying? And why, even when she'd returned and was as close as Tamahome and the Emperor... why had he still not felt her chi? Oh, it had been there... but it should have been just as strong as any of they three, if not stronger. He had barely felt it.

He began to pace. If only he could figure it out... what was it? Nuriko was abruptly jerked out of his thoughts by the flare of one... no two sets of chi. That was Tamahome and Hotohori-sama! And there... there was the third! Still weaker than it should be, as though muted somehow, but that answering chi flare was Miaka. He was sure of it. Relief washed through him, so sharp it was almost painful. That was what he had missed. The Miaka shown before them was a mirror imposter! And she'd brought the mirror trapping their miko with her in order to counterfeit her chi. He'd been so wrapped up in his own misery, he'd failed to notice. Cursing, he began to run towards the overhang, hoping beyond hope that he would not be too late.

About halfway there, he felt Miaka's chi flare wildly out of control... and a sharp pain exploded at the left side of his chest, centered over his heart. He fell to his knees, shock dilating his pupils. There it was again! He was feeling someone else's feelings, someone else's pain and fear. And just as it had happened the first time, this time he was equally certain that the pain he felt belonged to Miaka. She was hurt... she was hurt very badly, but how! And also just as before, accompanying the pain came a desperate voice screaming his name, ~Niichan!!~ Only this time, it wasn't precisely his imouto's voice. Somehow, it was also Miaka's. But how was that possible? The answer came to him in a rush. This power... the power to feel what other's felt, it had been his sister's. His sister who had died too young and, by her own words, been shortly thereafter reincarnated. His sister who had taunted him with the knowledge that he would be seeing her again, sooner than he thought.

No... It can't be. It simply can not be! Heart clenching in shared pain and frustrated protective fury, Nuriko finally understood. The only possible explanation for all of it...

Miaka, Suzaku no Miko... the girl from another world who wanted so desperately to love him... was Kourin.

That flare of chi that had so caught his attention suddenly began fading, far too quickly. No! I won't lose you again! Not when I've only just figured out that I have you back! He ran.

He reached a cliff that overlooked the clearing and looked down. Tamahome and Hotohori were battling against a horrid-looking monster. It had a wound in its chest and one of its arms was cut off. And it was holding that thrice-damned mirror. If he remembered his lore correctly, the real Miaka would be trapped inside. They had to break the mirror... and destroy the monster at the same time. Nuriko looked around, desperate for a weapon of some sort. Spotting a large boulder, he smiled, This ought to do nicely. He lifted it, took aim and threw it over the cliff. It landed on the monster with a satisfying crunch. If it weren't for the fact that he anticipated anything but a warm reception from the others, he would have laughed at the startled looks on the other Seishi's faces. Instead, he restricted himself to a light, "I thought you might need my help." He jumped from the cliff and landed gracefully on his feet before the other two men.

The Emperor met his gaze for one brief moment. What he saw reflected there was conflicted, confused... but not outright condemnation. It made him confused. Before he could say anything, the other man dropped his gaze and turned to ask Tamahome how he was doing -- apparently the younger seishi had been injured in the fight. Nuriko fought the urge to clench his hands at the obvious warmth in the Emperor's voice and manner as he spoke, much less at the little mutual admiration society they were forming as they praised each other's fighting prowess. He'd never shown Nuriko such warmth... ever. Unable to bear it any longer, Nuriko looked away, eyes catching on the broken mirror. If the monster had been destroyed, the mirror that it trapped its victims in shattered... where was Miaka? Where was his imouto??

As if the question had been enough to summon the miko, Miaka's crumpled form appeared on the ground beside the mirror. Shocked, Nuriko cried out, "Miaka!" The other two seishi jerked at the sound of their miko's name, each running to the girl and dropping down beside her. Tamahome made it to her first and gathered the girl up in his arms. If Nuriko hadn't been so worried, the sight would have warmed his heart.

Miaka was unconscious and bleeding from a wound in her chest. A broken piece of what appeared to be a ceramic plate jutted out of the wound. Nuriko hesitated to say anything, but the wound looked very clearly self-inflicted. Apparently, he wasn't the only one to notice that. The Emperor's voice was harsh with worry and fear as he asked, "Why would she do something like this?"

Nuriko walked over to join the group, daring to drop a comforting hand on the Emperor's shoulder, "Hotohori-sama... the monster had a wound in the same place. I daresay that she did it--"

Tamahome interrupted with an anguished, "You mean she did this to protect us?" Overcome, he shook Miaka, "No! That isn't how this works! We protect you, not the other way around. You can't die! Wake up!"

The younger seishi's grief and frenzy being catching, Hotohori also starting yelling their miko's name, ordering her to open her eyes... to come back to them. It was almost too painful to watch... and it was just like men to be so overcome by emotion that they could not act. Pushing the two almost harshly out of the way, Nuriko dropped to the ground and started examining the wound. Almost immediately, he got a shower of protests. He looked up, the fire of anger in his eyes as he spoke, "Sitting here and calling her name like lost children won't bring her back! We need to get her clothes off and treat that wound."

Tamahome, surprisingly, was the one who protested, "But we're all men! We can't undress her!"

Nuriko silently cursed the fact that their revelations about his own gender couldn't have held off for four more hours. He couldn't very well explain to the others that the reason he could undress their miko was that she was his sister reincarnated! Desperate, he met the Emperor's eyes in silent pleading as he answered with the simplest explanation he could, "In my heart, I'm a woman. I will do this."

Whatever the Emperor saw in his gaze, apparently it was enough. Placing a gentle hand on Tamahome's shoulder, he said, "Come, we'll turn away." As he did so, he said, "We will trust you, Nuriko... we have no choice."

The words were at once a boon and a back-handed slap. Nuriko forced himself to focus on the aspect that was the former and bent himself to his task. Silently apologizing to his sensei, he tore the arm of his traveling outfit into strips to use for bandaging, then set to the task of removing Miaka's clothes as gently as he could, careful of the plate section still embedded in her breast. With every noise that he made, the other two seishi would twitch, nearly turning around. Finally, Nuriko started up a running commentary, noting the Emperor's shoulders relax minutely as he did so, "She did quite a number on herself, but it doesn't seem as though she's hit anything vital." As jealous as he had been of Miaka's attributes, he had to admit to being grateful that she was so well-endowed. That extra padding between the blade and her heart had likely saved her life. Bandaging the wound as well as he was able, he indicated to the other two that it was safe to turn around.

The little-boy-lost tone to the Emperor's voice nearly broke his heart as he dropped down next to Miaka and asked, "Will she be all right?"

Inside, Nuriko felt just as lost as the Emperor sounded. He was forced to shake his head, "I don't know. She lost a lot of blood... it's up to the strength of her will, now."

The three seishi crouched around their miko, anxiously awaiting some sign that she was improving. It was far from ideal, where they were now. Miaka should be inside in a bed. She should be warm! That impotent fury felt like it would choke him as he listened to the other two again start to call Miaka's name and beg her to wake up. It was Hotohori who noticed their miko's face paling another shade. With barely concealed panic, he grabbed onto Nuriko's arm and shook him, "She's getting paler! Nuriko, what do we do? What do we do?"

His own heart racing, Nuriko couldn't think of a single thing that they could do -- not out here in the wilderness. He cursed, "If we were back at the Palace and had the proper equipment, we could give her some of our own blood to replace what she's lost."

Before he had a chance to explain that that just wasn't practical in this situation, the other two men grabbed onto his words like drowning men to a life raft. They each slashed open a wound on their bodies, letting the blood drip onto Miaka's bandage, yelling out that if Miaka needed blood she could have every drop that they possessed. And to Nuriko's shock... it worked. Oh, not as he'd intended, mind you, but the conduit of the mingling of their blood enhanced the bond they shared with their miko and strengthened their mental calls to Miaka. To Nuriko's everlasting surprise, he could hear those calls. He could hear what Miaka was hearing! The part of her that had been Kourin was apparently still linked to his mind. He could hear the two seishi calling their miko home and the voice of one other, a young girl. He didn't know her, but Miaka certainly did. She started trying to respond, to return, but it just wasn't enough. Sensing how distracted the other two seishi were and banking on the fact that Miaka would not remember this upon waking, he threw his own voice into the mix, "Imouto-chan! Kourin! You can't leave me again! Not when I've just found you. You can't die... I love you!" With an immense sense of relief, he saw that that got her attention. Between himself, the unknown girl and the other two seishi, they called her back -- with Tamahome and Hotohori's blood opening the door.

When Miaka's eyes blinked open, they held his for a moment as she muttered, "Nuriko..." Something winked behind her eyes, as if she were grasping for something that she ought to remember, like trying to hold onto a dream upon waking... but no. It wasn't right for her to have that knowledge and well Nuriko knew it. Kourin had only been granted her memory for that one night to reassure him. The next time he saw her as Kourin would be when he died. It was enough for now that he remembered. He would do it for both of them. Nuriko gave a sad smile as she turned to greet the other two. He gasped as the air shimmered around them, and the next thing they knew, they were surrounded by huge, glorious mountains. There was only one place that this could be and Hotohori confirmed it, "We made it. We actually made it." His eyes, as they met Nuriko's, were shining with joy. To his surprise, Nuriko was able to return the gaze with one that was equally happy. For the first time since Kourin had died, he felt as if he belonged. It was a good feeling, one he intended to hold on to no matter what else came his way.

It had all seemed to happen so fast. As long as their journey had taken, Nuriko had somehow thought that the end should take longer still. As Taiitsu-kun had said, they should have rested a night, healed from their wounds, before attempting to send Miaka back to her own world. It should not have happened so quickly. Somehow, in spite of knowing that they were here to do exactly what they had done, Nuriko still hadn't been ready for it. And now Miaka was gone. Kourin was gone. He stared at the empty spot where she had knelt just a moment ago and felt his heart lurch. He had lost her. Again. He stood slowly, still watching that spot as if she would somehow reappear, though knowing in his heart that she would not. He vaguely heard Hotohori-sama speaking with Taiitsu-kun, telling her how grateful that they all were. How could the man sound so calm? Surely his heart was breaking, just as Nuriko's was... A soft tug on his skirt drew Nuriko's attention away from the conversation. It was a Nyan-Nyan staring up at him with wide, smiling eyes. He forced a smile onto his own face and knelt down next to her, "What is it, little one?"

She smiled, innocence incarnate, and said those two dreaded words, "Me cure?"

Nuriko cringed inwardly, remembering the last conversation that had started like this. ~I'll heal your perversion,~ she'd said. He frowned and asked, "What do you mean? I have no injuries." The Nyan-Nyan lifted a hand to rest it on his chest, over his heart. Her smile took on just a hint of sadness, "Me cure."

Nuriko swallowed hard as a lump of tears rose, unbidden into his throat. He shook his head mutely and slowly stood up, "Thank you, little one... for the thought. But, you can't fix that, only time can." The Nyan-Nyan frowned at him, but scampered away as she was dismissed. Nuriko wrapped his arms around himself and continued to stare at the spot that his beloved imouto had just vacated. He heard a voice to his left.

"Oi, Nuriko, we should head back to the capital. Taiitsu-kun said that she'll transport us back to where the horses are," Tamahome said.

With a sigh, Nuriko gathered up his skirts and moved to join the others. He felt drained beyond belief, as though the blood that Taiitsu-kun had transfused to their miko had all come from him -- though none of it had. That, he had to admit, had stung. Was his blood not good enough? He wasn't blind, he could see the increased connection that the transfusion had wrought between the miko and the other two seishi. Was he not to be permitted such a connection to his own sister? Then again... perhaps that was only just. He certainly had done nothing to deserve that special treatment.

They took their leave of Taiitsu-kun, who merely nodded and waved her hands. As quickly as they had come to this place, they were returned. It was an efficient way to travel, that was certain, but disorienting.

Hotohori grabbed the reins of his gelding and swung himself into the saddle, not saying a word to the other two as they also mounted. Then again... Nuriko certainly wasn't the only one physically and emotionally drained by their recent experience. And he did not even have the excuse of having been injured. Tamahome moved his horse up next to the Emperor's, leaving Nuriko to ride behind them. Neither said a word to him as they started to ride. It was not unexpected, this cold silence, but Nuriko had still hoped... Who was he kidding? Now that his secret was out, it was only love of their miko that had allowed the other two seishi to tolerate him as well as they had. Now that she was gone, they had no real motivation to be kind to him.

The ride back to the capital was made in silence. Nuriko tried to lighten the mood once or twice, but the baleful glares he received in response stilled his vocal chords. He rode, shrunk into the saddle, trying to go unnoticed. As they approached the palace gates, the Emperor spoke, "Tamahome, Nuriko -- as Suzaku Seishi you have the right to rooms in the palace, should you wish to use them. The servants will see to your comforts for as long as you decide to stay." He dismounted, handing his horse over to one of the guards and marching swiftly back towards the palace. Tamahome did the same, leaving Nuriko sitting on his horse alone outside the gates. The other guard stepped up next to him. Nuriko noted with no small feeling of irony that it was the very guard who had welcomed him on his first trip to the palace. He spoke quietly, as though not wishing to spook the feminine seishi, "Lady Kourin? Shall we have someone escort you inside?"

Nuriko gave voice to a tired laugh as he dismounted. He shook his head as he handed over the reins, "No, Takeo. Thank you, but this time I can find my own way." Not waiting to hear the young man protest, Nuriko gathered up the tattered skirts of his traveling dress and walked as quickly as propriety allowed back to the relative safety of his rooms. He thought he heard a few snickers in the corridor on the way back, but he shut his ears and merely upped his speed. If news of his masquerade had already spread, he would know soon enough.

When he reached his rooms, he slammed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it. A soft patter of footfalls made him look up, "Emi? What are you doing here?" The cruel laughing that he'd heard had convinced him that, at the very least, the servants all knew of his deception. Just like everywhere else, gossip seemed to be the only thing that could travel faster than a hummingbird's wings. He'd thought Emi would be long gone by the time he returned.

Emi just gave him a knowing, sad smile and said, "You really look terrible, Nuriko-sama. I've drawn you a bath. Perhaps you'll feel better after you wash up."

Those words were like a splash of cold water in his face. Nuriko-sama. Oh, Emi knew all right. The only question that remained was why was she still here? He wanted nothing more than to press her for answers, but the crawling of his skin made the decision for him -- bath first, questions later. He walked to the bathing room and stripped off his clothing. Before he took off his pants, he straightened to take in his form in the mirror. It was the first time he'd truly looked at himself thus since he had begun his elaborate masquerade. The decidedly flat planes of his chest evoked a red flush across his features. In spite of his secret being revealed, in spite of knowing that he had not always been this way, in his heart, he was still a woman. Why do I have to be so different? Even when I admitted to myself and everyone else that I was a man... Why do I still feel this way? He angrily tore off the rest of his clothes and immersed himself in the bath. I'm a pervert. Just some sick, unnatural... pervert. I know that's what they all think, and worse, deep down inside, I know it's true. I was attracted to Genrou. I am attracted to Hotohori. These days, I even think of myself as a woman. I know it isn't natural and it isn't how I used to feel... so why can't I just stop?

He washed himself quickly for once, drawing no comfort from the warm, scented water. When he drew himself out of the bath, he reached for his robe and wrapped it tightly around himself. He had no desire to see the true nature of his body a second time. He walked back into the main room to find Emi sitting in her small chair by his vanity, Kourin's brush in her hands. He sat down in his own chair, cheeks still flushed. Emi lifted the brush and began to run it through his wet hair as though nothing had changed between them. After several minutes of utter silence, Nuriko could take it no longer. He spun around and grabbed Emi's wrist, "Well??"

Emi merely frowned at him, "Well what, Nuriko-sama?"

Nuriko's mouth dropped open as he let go of her wrist. Feeling close to a breaking point, Nuriko couldn't even think of any words powerful enough to explain the emotions roiling through his heart. Well, actions speak louder than words. He tore open the front of his robe and stared down at his chest, "This! Aren't you going to say something? Don't tell me you didn't know!" Head and body drooping, he finished with, "You've never lied to me before, Emi... please don't start now."

Emi calmly grabbed the flaps of his robe and pulled them closed, retying the sash. She picked up the brush and started running it through his hair again. She hummed a little until Nuriko started to relax under her ministrations. When he had calmed, she smiled a little. Her voice was quiet when it emerged, "I have served you faithfully for over a year now, Nuriko-sama."

Ah... and there it is. Nuriko's cheeks turned red again as he bitterly commented, "And because of that, no one will accept you anywhere else, now, is that it? The master's shame rubs off on the servants." He turned his face away.

Emi's hand lifted to Nuriko's chin and turned his head to face her. Her own was stern and her lips were turned down at the corners, "That's enough, Nuriko-sama. It should be enough that I am willing to stay with you. You need not know the reasons why." She let go of his chin and laid the brush down on the vanity, "If you wish to dismiss me, then I will go."

Nuriko quickly shook his head, fear alighting on his features at the thought of his one remaining friend abandoning him. Now that he'd had a taste of what it was like to have one, he was not so eager to give her up. And Emi was turning out to be a truer friend than he had ever thought possible. Emi smiled a little at his quick negation, "You will be wanting clothing...?" She let the sentence hang, leaving it to Nuriko to fill in what kind of clothing he would wish.

Quietly, he asked Emi to find him a long tunic and a pair of pants. If he was now to be a man again, he would have to start looking the part. He could at least try it out in private. She simply nodded, nonjudgmental, and left to find the required articles of clothing. Nuriko turned to the mirror and picked up a pair of scissors, hefting his thick hair in the other hand. Just as he was about to hack it all off, his heart skipped a beat and he dropped the scissors. He just couldn't do it. Not yet. His hair was too much a part of who he was. And besides... other men had long hair. Just look at the Emperor. It was all in how you wore it. Satisfied and reassured by that justification, he picked up a tie and pulled his hair back into a functional braid. He dressed in the clothing that Emi brought, slipping into a simple pair of slippers as he tied the gold sash around his waist.

Then, steeling himself, he walked to the mirror to take in his new reflection... and stared. Ridiculous! Even in men's clothing he still looked like a girl! Somehow, he had thought that putting on different clothing would automatically make him look like the man he actually was, instead of the woman he'd pretended to be for 8 years. He had forgotten to take into account that the mere fact that he had been a woman for 8 years was bound to have taken its toll. His every move, his every gesture... his every facial expression, for crying out loud! They all screamed "female", and the fact that, in his heart, he didn't really want to change any of those things... This was going to be much harder than he'd thought. He shook his head ruefully and pulled open the door to his rooms.

Emi had left as quietly as she'd returned -- maybe to find more clothing that would suit Nuriko's altered needs. But really, it didn't matter, for what he wanted now, more than companionship, was some time alone to test the waters of this new self. He made his way out to the lake and dropped down to a convenient boulder, knees to his chest. He felt altogether too exposed in the clothing he now wore -- and not very comfortable, either. He shut off that train of thought. He was going to try to wear men's clothing at least for a little while each day. Even if he still felt like a women inside, he could at least try to look like a man on the outside. He turned his gaze to the water and merely sat, enjoying the stillness for a while.

Hotohori frowned at the piles of documents that awaited him at his return. Having had a taste of the freedom that could be his as a simple seishi, it was hard to return to life in this gilded cage. He could almost envy Nuriko -- at least he had been set free from his self-imposed prison. It was the one good thing that had come from this whole mess. He could never have fully set Lady Kourin free from the Court -- not without bringing shame to her family. But Nuriko... that was a different story altogether. It was strange, though. As happy as he was for the other man... he was sad, too. The one thing that he had known before, the one thing he had been able to count on, was that no matter that her love for him had been matched only by her equally strong hate... Lady Kourin had been a kindred spirit. He had fought against that knowledge all year, but he had been aware of it just the same. Hers had been a spirit just as strong as his and just as misplaced in the life to which she had been forced. As rocky as the relationship between them had become, as harshly as he had pushed her away, on some level, his heart had begun to soften towards her. Before the arrival of Suzaku no Miko, he had begun to wonder... would it be so bad? He could certainly have done worse than Lady Kourin for an Empress.

Except... there was no Lady Kourin. She was a myth, a figment... she didn't exist. And now knowing that, Hotohori felt like he had lost a dear friend. Certainly Lady Kourin had been anything but... but she had been a constant in his life, someone he could depend on, and now she was gone. He sat in benumbed silence for a few moments, then finally gave the situation up as a lost cause. He tossed the documents back onto his desk and declared to the air that he was going for a walk. He needed to clear his head before attacking the business of the state -- otherwise they were likely to find themselves embroiled in a war or some such just because he hadn't been paying attention. Fleeing his office, Hotohori headed for one of the few places on the grounds were he could go to calm down: the lake.

And so it was with great disappointment that he found his favorite spot already occupied. Worse still, the boy's long braid of indigo hair brought visions of Lady Kourin to his mind -- the very thoughts that he had come out here to escape. Odd that there was another at court with that unusual shade of hair and he hadn't known. Could he be one of the new stable lads? Perhaps one the guard trainees? But if either were true, he should not have access to this part of the grounds. He started towards the boy to scold him for being where he should not, but something about his dejected posture, the way he hugged his knees to his chest... Hotohori found himself feeling a surge of sympathy for the forlorn figure at the edge of the lake. So instead of scolding, he knelt next to the boy and quietly asked, "Are you all right?"

The figure's head whipped around so quickly that his braid nearly smacked the Emperor in the face, "Hotohori-sama! I didn't realize you were there. I'm sorry for intruding! I... I'll just leave now." Delicate hands fluttered to cover the boy's open mouth as he stammered apologies.

Now that Hotohori could see the boy's face, he realized that his earlier instincts had, in fact, been correct. Irritated at having been conned into feeling sympathy for the other seishi, he simply said, "Nuriko. So it is you."

Nuriko bowed his head and nodded miserably, his posture even more dejected than before. It was... strange. The Emperor didn't think he'd ever seen Lady Kourin look so lost. It made the world seem out of balance somehow. Lady Kourin was confidence and poise incarnate. To see her -- or one who looked so like her -- so flustered and uncertain... It was just plain wrong. Hotohori sat down next to the other seishi and turned his gaze out to the lake. It was only then that he realized that he had no idea how to start a conversation with the other man. He'd never had a talk with Lady Kourin that hadn't ended in a bitter argument or with his being utterly humiliated. So, feeling more than a little flustered and uncertain himself, he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Why are you dressed like that?"

The answer was not quite what he expected. Nuriko's voice was uncharacteristically depressed when he responded, "Why do you care?"

That response caused Hotohori to frown at the other seishi. It just wasn't like him... that bitterness had been all self-directed. Again, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong here, but he had no experience with getting others to confide in him. Feeling as though he was a lumbering ox trapped in a display hall full of priceless artifacts, he pressed on, "Well, you can dress however you like, now, Nuriko... I suppose it isn't any of my business. But somehow..." He paused for a moment, trying to find the right words, "Somehow, I thought you'd be relieved to be able to give up your pretending... but you don't seem happy about it."

Nuriko stared at him in open-mouthed shock, then shook his head. He drew his knees back to his chest, resting his arms on top of them, "No, Hotohori-sama. I am not happy. But I still find it hard to believe that you actually care about that. It isn't as though I've ever mattered to you before. I've been a thorn in your side since I first came here, but even though you knew you would never want me, you wouldn't release me, either. And now this... At best, this is bittersweet. I may have my freedom... but I've lost my honor in the bargain. I can't return home without bringing shame to my family. It would be better for them if I were just to die... again."

Hotohori watched as the indigo-haired seishi rested his head on top of his arms, feeling a twinge of alarm. He'd never thought about that particular consequence to the truth being revealed. It had never occurred to him that Nuriko's family might not be privy to his secret. And for a man... ritual suicide was an acceptable way to deal with dishonor, especially when the shame involved might spread to include one's whole family. And while he might still harbor some resentment towards Lady Kourin, if the Emperor were honest with himself, he would admit that on their journey, he had warmed somewhat to Nuriko. He had thought that without the bitterness of denied expectation between them, maybe that shared understanding of the cruelty of destiny could blossom into something more -- a friendship. But he'd never had a friend before, never tried to approach someone with the intent of treating them as an equal. He didn't know how and it made him feel inadequate. He didn't want to say the wrong thing and bring about the very thing he was trying to turn the other seishi away from. Again, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Suzaku no miko will need all of the seishi when she returns, you know."

Nuriko stared at him for a moment, blinking uncomprehendingly, before the pieces fell into place. Hotohori could see the exact moment it happened. The indigo-haired seishi's lips quirked upwards at the corner, twitching as they fought off the full smile that was trying to spread. His earth brown eyes started to twinkle and finally he lost the battle and let out a hearty, though feminine, laugh. When he calmed enough to take in the Emperor's now very disgruntled face, his eyes took on an apologetic cast, "I'm so sorry, Hotohori-sama. I did not realize you would take my words in that way, though I should have." He shook his head, "I make you a promise, heika-sama: I have no intention of taking my own life..." His voice dropped into a whisper as he finished with, "...no matter how worthless it may seem to me right now. I know that I am still needed, as a seishi, if in no other way."

Though the words should have been reassuring, somehow Hotohori found them to be anything but. Unsure, he placed a hand on Nuriko's shoulder, "That is not the only way in which you are needed, Nuriko--"

He got no further. Nuriko's head jerked up off his arms as his eyes bore into the Emperor's, the flames of anger lit deep within them. This was more what the Emperor expected of Nuriko. These angry eyes... they were Lady Kourin's eyes. With a shock, Hotohori realized that he had missed the very fiery passion that he had thought he was glad to be rid of. Nuriko's voice was a quiet hiss of ire when he spoke, "Do you take me for a fool, heika-sama? I disgust you, just as I do everyone else. I've heard what the servants have been whispering about me ever since our return. How did they learn the truth, I wonder? I didn't tell them. Taiitsu-kun didn't tell them. How long do you think before that knowledge spreads around the whole court?" In truth, it had never occurred to the Emperor to try to keep it quiet. He and Tamahome had discussed the matter in front of several of his own servants. His cheeks flamed as Nuriko's eyes blazed. He recognized that expression. The other seishi was just getting started.

Rising to his feet, Nuriko's hands clenched into fists and Hotohori felt himself start to sweat. At least Lady Kourin had not posed a physical threat in her anger... Nuriko was another story. With his seishi strength, the other man could do him serious harm. Fortunately, the only damage he seemed bent on inflicting was with words, "And this sudden desire to be my friend? Where did it come from? Just weeks ago you hated me, couldn't stand to be near me. Just days ago, you and Tamahome were so disgusted by my presence you wouldn't even talk to me! Then, when we return to Court, you waste not one precious second in divulging my secret to ruin me completely. And now you have the gall to approach me and tell me that my life has meaning to you?" Hurt flooded his eyes, "I am not that stupid, heika-sama, nor am I blind." He spat out his final words, "Spare me your pity. I don't need it, nor do I desire it." With those last bitter words, Nuriko stormed away from the lake, leaving the Emperor staring after him in embarrassed, guilty silence.

How dare he! Nuriko fumed as he paced back and forth in his rooms. It wasn't as though his situation weren't bad enough. To have the Emperor dangling a friendship in front of his face as though he had any right to do it! As though he meant it... Well, Nuriko was no idiot and he was not blind. It was the Emperor's fault that he was in this predicament. And what could he do about it now? It was a futile wish that the servants hadn't spread this particularly juicy piece of gossip around by now.

Pacing feverishly, Nuriko tried to determine his next move. He could go to dinner tonight, dressed as he was, and deal with the consequences... or he could go dressed as usual, as Lady Kourin. Neither option seemed very promising. A little voice in the back of his mind prompted that there was a third option. He could go, dressed however he liked, and take dinner with the Emperor and Tamahome. They'd dined that way several times before Miaka had left. But after his encounter with the Emperor this afternoon, he was feeling anything but charitable towards the man and didn't wish to give him the satisfaction of running to him for protection.

After a few more minutes of pacing, Nuriko made up his mind. Stripping out of his tunic and pants, he took one of his nicer dresses from the closet and pulled it on. It was reassuring, the feeling of those layers of soft silks. It was comforting. Calling for Emi, he sat down at the vanity. Without a word, she brushed his hair and pulled it up into a style that "Lady Kourin" had favored. She applied make-up to his face and straightened his clothing. Nuriko couldn't help but admire the woman's handiwork. He looked just as he had when he was masquerading as a woman. It was a vain hope, he knew, but still he hoped that the rumors hadn't spread... that there was a chance, however slim, that he might pick up at least a part of his former life undamaged. He again ignored that traitorous little voice that whispered, But do you want to...?

A gong rang in the courtyard, signifying a start to evening court. Nuriko stood slowly and headed towards the dining area. As soon as he reached it, Nuriko realized that his worst suspicions were true. The lords and servants sneered as they saw him, laughed in his face as he walked by. His hair and clothes were forcefully tugged, feet held out to trip him more than once. Rude comments reached his ears, staining his cheeks a delicate pink. By the time he reached his spot at the main table, Nuriko felt his composure beginning to slip. One of his chief rivals at court, Lady Mariko, slipped delicately into his seat. She smiled cruelly at him and laughed, "You aren't wanted here, sir. Perhaps you should leave."

All conversation stopped and all eyes turned to him. Though, on some level, he'd been expecting exactly this reaction, Nuriko was still caught off guard by the open hostility in the faces ranged around him. One of the younger lords that he'd been particularly nasty to of late stood up and added his own two cents, "Your kind isn't wanted here. Go crawl back into your father's bed where you belong." Nuriko took a step back, all color draining from his face. More and more people stood up, eager to add their own insults. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor and not wanting to be at the center of a court-wide brawl, Nuriko gathered what dignity he could and turned and left the room.

He should have expected that it wouldn't end there. He really should have. He'd played too many cruel games with too many innocent people, and many who were not so innocent. He should have known that they wouldn't pass up this opportunity to see him humbled. Not 30 steps from the courtyard and his retreat was abruptly halted by a firm grip on his left arm. He froze, turned to glare at the one who dared manhandle him thus. It would be easy enough to break the man's grip were he to use his seishi powers. Something, though... something held him back. It felt wrong somehow. After all, it wasn't as though this punishment was undeserved. Shocked into stillness by that thought, he allowed another to grab his right arm and didn't even notice when they were surrounded by the men's other compatriots. All were lords that he had slighted in the past. A third lord of his former entourage was standing before him, cracking his knuckles. He gave Nuriko an evil smile, "Well now, pretty boy. We were thinking, now that you're a man, we can treat you like one. We're here to get some of our own back..."

Nuriko knew what was coming -- how could he not know? And he knew he could stop it, could have the men off him and trampled beneath his feet in a matter of minutes. But he just couldn't do it. For they were right and this was just. He had lied. He had committed cruel acts. He had played these men off each other, bringing shame to many of them. And now? Now his honor was in question. And having had a taste of what it was like to have that honor, having had a taste of being a seishi... this life he had led seemed ever more unclean. Were he anyone else, he'd have been executed for these crimes, but the Emperor had not even punished him for them. Bowing his head and feeling the prickle of tears in the back of his eyes, Nuriko said only, "Do your worst, my lords. I won't even deny that I deserve it."

The man in front of Nuriko sneered at his reluctance to fight and let loose a punch that landed right in the center of his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. His dress was torn as his knees buckled. Another punch landed in the center of his back, knocking him to the ground. He moaned quietly, then cut it off. He would not complain, he would not protest, he would not fight back. He deserved this. Doing nothing more to protect himself than to cover his head with his arms, he let the blows rain down.

After a time, Nuriko had no idea how much, a flare of red light caused him to look up. Even in his befuddled state, Nuriko would have recognized the feel of the ogre's chi. Tamahome had arrived. He took care of the three lords who had played the largest parts in this fiasco, then growled menacingly at those remaining. They were no fools and knew better than to tangle with one of the seishi when riled. They quit the scene as quickly as they could. Tamahome then knelt to help Nuriko sit up. Nuriko pulled away from him, shivering and trying vainly to pull together the torn remains of his dress. Tamahome brushed a lock of hair from his face, "Nuriko? Why didn't you fight back? With your strength, you could have taken them all on single-handed. Are you all right?"

Nuriko shook his head violently, holding his stomach with one hand. To his bitter shame, he felt that earlier prickle of tears shake loose and begin tracking their way down his face. Raising one hand to his mouth, he tried desperately to reign in the sobs. No... he was not all right. He didn't think he would ever be all right again. He was perverted, dirty, unclean... and he had no honor. As a man, he was a complete failure and he could no longer be what his heart screamed that he was -- a woman. He had deserved that beating -- he deserved worse than that. He didn't deserve this gentle understanding, this extended hand of friendship, especially from yet another that he'd willfully hurt. He wanted to scream at the younger man not to get close, not to let Nuriko's shame rub off on him, but he was afraid to open his mouth... afraid that if he did, he would start screaming and be unable to stop.

Tamahome seemed to sense that Nuriko was incapable of answering and starting murmuring soothing nonsense to him as he approached. Nuriko felt a nearly hysterical giggle rising to fight with the tears. Apparently all men think I'm some sort of easily spooked horse... Once he was close enough to do so, Tamahome eased an arm around Nuriko's shoulders and pulled the older seishi to rest against his warm chest. He began lightly stroking Nuriko's back and quietly telling him that it was all right. That was the final nail in the coffin of Nuriko's self control. He turned to the younger man, buried his face in that broad chest and burst into hysterical sobs.

Hotohori had not returned to his desk that day. Instead he had taken a long walk through the woods, trying to sort out his feelings -- his feelings over Miaka's leaving, Tamahome's obvious love for Miaka, Nuriko's true identity... and what he truly felt for the indigo-haired seishi. Were his motives as pure as he had thought them? Or was Nuriko right? Had he been leading the other man on with only the intent of hurting him later? There was so much to think about his head had begun to hurt. When he saw the sky begin to darken, he had reluctantly headed back to the palace, thoughts no better sorted than before.

A flare of red light made him turn his gaze to the left. That had to be one of his fellow seishi. He was not as adept as Nuriko at picking out the nuances of these feelings, but he thought it might be Tamahome. But why was the other man employing his seishi powers here? What threat could there possibly be? His heartbeat quickened and his hand clenched convulsively near his belt where his sword would be if he were wearing it. Well, no hope for it. This was his Court, perhaps his presence alone would be enough to dispel whatever situation he might find. He hastened towards that flare of energy. What he found when he arrived, however, surprised him. Tamahome, his aura having fading back down to normal levels, was lifting a battered and still Nuriko into his arms. Only this was Nuriko as they had always known him -- in full Court garb, as Lady Kourin. In spite of Nuriko's earlier promise, Hotohori felt an irrational fear seize his heart as he ran over. "What happened? Is he all right?" he blurted out.

Tamahome pulled the smaller seishi closer to his chest as he shook his head, "I'm not really sure. A gang of nobles was beating him up when I arrived. One of them said something about 'getting some of their own back'. I'm not really sure what happened, Hotohori-sama... but I know he was upset and I know he didn't even try to fight back. If he had, we'd be tending to them now, not him." He looked down at Nuriko's face, frowning.

Hotohori took a step closer, an equally confused frown on his own face. Not about what the lords had said -- that he understood all too well. After all, Lady Kourin had not been known for her kind and gentle nature... especially to the lords of the court. He'd felt her sting himself, all too often. No, what confused him was why Nuriko had not fought back against his attackers, and moreover, knowing that his secret was likely a secret no more, why had he even gone to take dinner with the Court? Why not wait and dine with them? The answer dawned on him in a flash of insight. Why had Nuriko risked his safety to dine with the Court? Because he was avoiding Hotohori. The Emperor felt a stab of guilt at that. In a way... he was responsible for this. He laid a gentle hand on Nuriko's head, Why is it, that even when I want most to hate you... I can't? He looked up at Tamahome, "How badly is he injured? Will he be all right?"

Tamahome started to walk and the Emperor fell into step with him, "I don't really know, Hotohori-sama. I haven't really had a chance to look, but I don't think they did any major damage. He should be all right with a little rest." Tamahome, though sorry that Nuriko had gotten hurt, was almost glad for this distraction. His mind had been far too much on Miaka since her departure. He hadn't thought that he felt anything special for the girl before, had not believed her when she'd professed her love to him... but now, he wasn't so sure anymore. First when she'd gone missing, then when she'd been so injured and now that she was gone altogether... He missed the girl more than he'd thought he would. It was starting to depress him. And certainly Nuriko was no Miaka... but taking care of him would at least keep his mind off the other girl. He turned to the Emperor, surprised that he was still with them. Surely the man had more important things to do with his time? He offered the man a reassuring smile, "I'll see him safely back to his room, heika-sama. You should go eat."

Hotohori, for his part, was shocked to realize that he was being dismissed. He, the Emperor, was being dismissed! He opened his mouth to protest, then reconsidered. He could better serve his fellow seishi by finding and punishing the men who had done this. He would make sure that the entire court knew that the seishi were not to be treated with such disrespect, no matter their station in life. He nodded curtly and stalked off towards the dining room. His Court had an awful lot of explaining to do...

Nuriko woke slowly to a dull throbbing in his back and stomach. He was sore all over. He felt something cold and wet settle on his brow. He tried to shrink away from the touch, I don't deserve this... Please go away, whoever you are... Reluctantly prying his eyes open, he found Tamahome sitting by his bedside and giving him a gentle smile, "Feeling any better?"

Nuriko put a hand to his head and removed the cold compress. He sat up and Tamahome moved to put a pillow behind his back. The younger seishi's eyes were concerned. Nuriko looked away, unable to bear the honest worry in those grey eyes. He answered in a harsh whisper, "Why did you interfere? I didn't need your help."

Tamahome frowned, "With all due respect, Nuriko, I think you did. They could have really done you harm! Is that what you wanted?"

A flinch for the bald truth in that outraged statement. Shrugging helplessly, Nuriko said, "It was no more than I deserved."

The younger man stared at him for a moment, then took both of his shoulders in his hands and shook him. Nuriko's gaze snapped up to meet his eyes, startled. Tamahome shook him again, for some reason more angry than was really appropriate, "No one deserves that kind of treatment. No one, Nuriko." It was wrong... this was all so very wrong. Lady Kourin had been confidant, haughty, self-righteous. Nuriko, stripped of his alter ego, seemed to have lost the few good qualities that said alter ego had possessed. He seemed adrift... lost. Tamahome felt a small stab of guilt. He and Hotohori-sama had known that, had seen it on the journey back, and had done nothing. A few words of reassurance, just one small kindness, could have shown Nuriko that he had their support. Instead... they'd thrown him to the wolves. Well, he was going to make sure, from now on, that Nuriko knew that he was safe with the other seishi. It was all he could do. Pulling the smaller man up against him, as he had earlier that night, he said, "You've done nothing wrong, Nuriko. Nothing at all. So, please, don't do anything like this again. Next time they corner you, fight back -- better yet, just don't let them corner you at all. Stay near me or Hotohori-sama if you have to."

Nuriko swallowed hard and made a helpless gesture with one of his hands, "But they were right, Tamahome. I did plenty wrong before. I was cruel, I was dishonest..." His voice dropped into a whisper, "There's something really wrong with me, Tamahome. I know that you all thought this was some great joke, but it wasn't... not to me. I can't just stop wearing dresses and start wearing pants and it will all change. In every way that matters, except one, I am a woman. As a woman, I'm beautiful, I'm desired, I'm confidant. As a man..." His breath hitched, "As a man, I'm a failure. I'm a pervert. I have no honor." His voice rose into a pitiful wail, "They all hate me. The Emperor hates me. I'm useless like this... What possible place can there be in this world for someone like me?"

Tamahome was shocked into silence by the raw pain in that outburst. And he was ashamed. Miaka had seen this. She had seen the desperate fear and loneliness that Nuriko was hiding from all others. She had seen it when Nuriko had been Lady Kourin, her tormentor. And she had known that this almost fragile, gentle soul was what lay underneath. Why had he and Hotohori not? He pulled the other seishi closer and began running a gentle hand through Nuriko's hair, "I don't hate you, Nuriko. The Emperor doesn't hate you, either. As for your place in this world... you're a seishi. Suzaku seishi Nuriko. That is your place. However you choose to fill it, it is yours alone. Not many people are lucky enough to have that kind of certainty of purpose. And as for what the court lords think... Why should you care? They can't touch you if you don't wish it. You are far more important to this land than any 100 of them."

Nuriko leaned back and stared at him in shock, unable to process all that the younger man had said beyond that bit about he and the Emperor not hating him. Tamahome continued, "They look at me funny, too, you know. They always have, ever since I got here." At Nuriko's confused look, he smiled, "I don't know whether to be pleased or insulted that you've already forgotten. I'm a peasant boy, Nuriko. There is no noble blood running in my veins. My father is a poor farmer." His eyes darkened as he spoke, "My family wears clothing that is the next step up from rags and can barely afford the house they live in and the food they eat. The lords look down on me, as well. Does it look to you like it bothers me?"

Nuriko shook his head mutely, not having a ready answer for Tamahome's questions. Tamahome pulled back to look down into Nuriko's eyes, his own intense and serious, "Ignore those fools if you can and give them hell if you can't." Then he smiled, "What happened to the person that every lord and lady in this Court used to fear crossing?" At Nuriko's blush, Tamahome's smile widened, "You are still that person, Nuriko. You just have to find a different way to show it."

His heavy heart already feeling two tons lighter thanks to Tamahome's simple faith, Nuriko finally smiled, "Apparently, I don't deserve you, either, Tamahome-san... But just as I told Miaka, I think I'll keep you all the same. Thank you, my friend. For your caring, for your honesty... I won't soon forget."

Relieved to see Nuriko finally acting more like himself, Tamahome stood up, "Good. Don't." Before he could say another word, however, his stomach let out a rather loud grumble.

Nuriko laughed at the blush which quickly overtook the other's face, "Why don't you go get your dinner, Tamahome. I'll just wash up and then I'll join you." As the younger man left, Nuriko couldn't help the happy smile that refused to leave his face. It might not be perfect, and he might need to work on it, but finally, at long last, he felt like he had found a home.

Three months later, Nuriko was looking back on that day with what could only be termed longing. Looking out for Tamahome had become a full time job, leaving him with no time to cement the fragile start to his new almost-friendship with the Emperor. With no one to protect, and no Miaka around to love, Tamahome had withdrawn into himself, often hurting himself in the process. Nuriko had taken to following him around the palace as he wandered aimlessly, banging into walls and doors indiscriminately. A time or two, only Nuriko's inhuman strength had saved them both from falling down the stairs or off the high plateaus near the lake. Tamahome didn't even notice when he finished his own food, yet continued to plow through the numerous dishes on the table, often quite literally. Nuriko was surprised that he hadn't cracked any teeth with his new diet of fine china.

Hotohori was hurting, too, Nuriko could see it... but, he didn't dare broach the subject to the Emperor. He still didn't entirely trust the man's about-face when it came to his claims of suddenly desiring a friendship. How could he? It was hard to cast off a year's worth of history, after all. He was only barely tolerated at court as it was, and only because he was a Suzaku Seishi. Hotohori had banished the three lords responsible for his beating, and the others pretty much kept away from him these days, but he was far from welcome here and he knew it. Yet, between looking after Tama-chan and listening to Emi's incessant gossip, Nuriko managed to fool himself into being happy.

He was currently standing in front of his closet, trying to select a dress for the day, as Emi cleaned up the bathing room. He heard a knock at his door and called for the person to enter -- he had given only two people standing dispensation to come into his rooms without Emi having to clear it with him first, and as Tamahome had so eloquently told him those three months past, he was safe with both of his fellow seishi. Still, he was nearly startled out of his wits when he saw Tamahome, dressed for travel, standing uncertainly in the doorway. He gestured for the younger boy to enter and picked out a dress for the day. He had only worn men's clothes once or twice after that first time. He still wasn't totally comfortable in them. He slipped behind the dressing screen, pulling on his dress and waiting for Tamahome to speak. He didn't do so until Nuriko was back in front of the screen.

He smiled sadly up at Nuriko, "I want to thank you for looking out for me, Nuriko. You've been a true friend these past few months. I owe you a great debt."

Nuriko shook his head, "No, Tamahome-kun, you don't owe me anything. It was no more than any other friend would have done..."

Tamahome let out a bitter chuckle, "It was, Nuriko, and you well know it. I've been pretty out of it..." He shook his head to clear it, "But that isn't what I came to say. I-I can't stay here any longer. I need to earn money and I can't do that here at the Palace."

Nuriko's heart froze and then started to pound at those words. These months had only been tolerable because of Tamahome and Emi. For just as Tamahome had been lost without a Miaka to protect, Nuriko would have nothing with which to fill his days were it not for his having to look out for Tamahome. What would he do without the younger boy to look after? Before he could get too steeped in his own worries, however, he remembered what Tamahome had said about his family. He met Tamahome's eyes and the other boy nodded once. Nuriko bowed his head, "Then I will place no roadblocks in your path, Tamahome. I know how difficult these past months have been for you, and I know your family needs you more than I ever could. If you feel you need it, you have my blessing."

He heard Tamahome rise and walk towards him. He closed his eyes, not all that eager to see his friend leave, in spite of his brave words. Tamahome leaned down and pressed a light kiss to Nuriko's forehead, then he was gone. Nuriko leaned back against the wall and raised a hand to touch the spot that Tamahome had just kissed. He drew in a shaky breath and finished getting ready, wondering what he was going to do with himself for the rest of the day. He stared at himself in the mirror and frowned, slowly pulling off the dress. He grabbed his pants and tunic and put them on.

He watched himself in the mirror for a while, trying to look more masculine and failing miserably. He slumped in front of the mirror and heaved a big sigh. I'll never look like a man... He heard soft footsteps behind him and turned to face Emi. She smiled at him and set to straightening his clothing. He chuckled at her fussing, "Chibi-kaasan..."

She smiled and hushed him, continuing to straighten his clothing. When she was finally satisfied, she nodded and stepped back. She grabbed Kourin's brush and fixed his hair back into the braid that he had worn the few other times when he had chosen to wear these clothes. She smiled at him and stepped back.

"What would I do without you, Emi-chan?" Nuriko said with a smile.

She smiled, "Undoubtedly, you would never have clean clothing or a neat appearance ever again." The twinkle in her eyes let Nuriko know that she was joking.

He gestured for her to sit down on the vanity chair, then took her hand in his, "I'm serious, Emi-chan. In all the time that you've served me -- especially in these past three months -- I don't know that I ever said thank you. I owe you more than that. Aside from the other seishi, you're the only person here who ever accepted me. I owe you a lot for that... More than I can ever repay."

Emi patted his hand lightly, "I know. And there is no need for you to repay me for it. I know you appreciate what I do for you and that is enough payment for me. I've come to care for you quite a lot over the past year and a half." She smiled, "If a servant may be so presumptuous as to say so, I have come to think of you as the sister I never had. It's enough."

Nuriko clasped her hand tightly and said quietly, "It seems that inexplicably these days, I am overly blessed with friends that I don't deserve. And what is being a 'servant' but the job you do? Do we define ourselves by our jobs or by who we are?" Looking earnestly into the older woman's eyes, he smiled, "I think I would rather be defined by who I am than what I do... and who I am likes who you are and would be honored to be thought of as your sister."

Emi's answering grin was all the benediction he needed. She raised a hand to pat lightly at his cheek, "Then I will think of you in that way from this day forward: as my beloved imouto." She lowered her hand and allowed her smile to turn impish, "And if you would take your beloved onee-san's advice, I would suggest that you go find Kechiko. After all, you are dressed fit to ride and should enjoy the day while us older folk clean up after you."

With a laugh and a willful smile, Nuriko stood up from the vanity, heart lighter than it had felt in years, "An excellent idea, Emi-neesan! I think I'll do just that..."

Hotohori looked up from his papers with weary resignation. The sound of Galaxy's clarion call had become a familiar one of late. Keen eyes searching the field, he finally spotted Galaxy's dark bulk with Nuriko on his back. Ever since Tamahome had left, Nuriko had been riding the poor stallion into the ground as though the horse could take the place of his lost friend. He shook his head lightly, thinking that he was almost glad that he was not outside with Nuriko and Galaxy in one of those moods. The hoof beats stopped just outside his office, and he could hear Nuriko swing down from Galaxy's saddle, nearly breathless with delight. He watched as the other seishi kissed Galaxy on the nose, telling him over and over what a wonderful, sweet boy he was. Galaxy melted under the praise, ears bent forwards to catch each syllable that Nuriko uttered. It was amazing how young the boy looked at times like this... how unguarded. It was still hard to believe that the earnest young man cooing to Kechiko's prized stallion was the same Lady Kourin who had so petrified his court all this last year and a half.

Finally, Nuriko looped Galaxy's reins over his head and left him to graze. He knocked lightly on Hotohori's outer door. The Emperor motioned for Nuriko to come in. Nuriko slipped inside the office and shut the door. He took a deep breath before turning to face the Emperor. It was almost endearing, how uncertain the feminine seishi looked. Hotohori gave him a patient smile, "Yes, Nuriko? What is it?"

Nuriko blurted out, "You know that Tama-chan left?"

Hotohori frowned, bemused by the non-sequitur. One thing was certain... even though the other seishi now spent less time as a woman, Nuriko had not lost one iota of his ability to be mysteriously incomprehensible. Taking the plunge, he fed the other man the straight line he was so obviously seeking, "I was aware, yes."

Nuriko lowered his gaze, "If it's not too much trouble, Hotohori-sama, I'd like to go home, as well..."

Hotohori frowned, still confused, "But I thought you said you were born in the city. You don't need my permission to-- " He trailed off when he saw Nuriko shaking his head, "Ah, I see. You'd like to visit your adoptive parents, you mean. Why?"

Nuriko looked back up at him and wrung his fingers, "I've been thinking, and... in light of everything that has happened, I think I should tell them the truth." Raising his eyes to meet the Emperor's, he added quietly, "I can't move on from this and live with the honor a seishi should have if I still have this lie and this debt sitting on my conscience."

Hotohori tapped a finger against his chin, "While I can understand that, Nuriko, to tell the truth, I would rather not have you both gone from the Palace at once. And the trip to your parents' estate is not a short one." He paused, then continued, "Also, I have the strangest feeling that I will need you here this week. Silly, I know, but I just... I don't know."

Nuriko took a step forwards as though with proximity he could change the Emperor's mind, "But- "

Hotohori shook his head, "How about a deal, hmm? If nothing happens within a week, you can go with my blessing." He held out his hand to shake Nuriko's.

Nuriko stared at it as if it were some sort of amazing creature. He grasped it gently but firmly and shook it once, seeming to revel in the feeling. He turned his eyes to meet Hotohori's, "I believe that to be more than fair, heika-sama. You have a deal." He reluctantly released the Emperor's hand and then stymied in his plans, left to go figure out what to do with himself for the rest of the week.

He returned Galaxy to the stable and thanked Kechiko, his mind still working furiously on the puzzle. He went back to his quarters and bathed, changing back into his dress and putting his hair up. He took his time, the Emperor's words making him want to look special for some reason. He put on his make-up and admired his reflection for a moment, feeling an excitement building within his being. After all, he had given both Tamahome and the Emperor lessons while they'd been here biding their time, and as a result, all three had become far more receptive to the nuances of spiritual energy than they had been. If the Emperor felt that something was going to happen... then something would happen. However, until such a time as the "something" revealed itself, they could do nothing more than wait.

He left his chambers, and with nothing else to guide him, found himself aimlessly wandering the palace hallways, feeling something like Tama-chan must have with Miaka gone. And so it was that when he caught a glimpse of a girl in a brown uniform he at first thought he must be hallucinating. But the feel of that other mind... now that he'd had it back in his once, he would not lose sight of it again. He raced to the outer hallway, heart singing from that moment's brief connection, and called out, "Miaka-chan??" The figure turned back to him and beamed him a dazzling smile, "Nuriko!"

With that smile, Nuriko felt his own heart lift off and take flight. Until that moment, he'd been unaware how deeply it had fallen. He grabbed his imouto's hands and jumped about with her, overjoyed beyond belief that the Emperor had been right. However, just as he was starting to get into the celebratory mood Miaka suddenly stopped and pulled a serious face, "Nuriko?"

Stunned by the abrupt mood change, he facefaulted, "Don't get serious on me all of a sudden!"

Miaka gave him an embarrassed little smile, before her face sobered once again, "Nuriko... where's Tamahome? I looked all over, but couldn't seem to find him anywhere."

Nuriko's heart went out to her at that plaintive query. Wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders he pulled her close, knowing there was no way to sugarcoat what he was about to say. Walking her back towards his own rooms so they could at least have this conversation in private, Nuriko finally admitted, "Tamahome left several days ago. He said that he had to earn some money and couldn't do that here..."

She was righteously indignant when she heard this, and very upset that Tamahome hadn't had the faith to wait for her. She ranted on and on and finally nearly stormed out of Nuriko's room to leave the palace to find Tamahome herself. Nuriko lightly grabbed her arm, reluctant as always to turn his seishi strength on his miko and counting on his words to slow her impassioned flight, "Wait, wait! Miaka, for Suzaku's sake, wait!"

She scowled at him, but he held up a finger, "Just wait a moment, will you? Give me a moment to change and we'll go find him together, all right, Miaka?"

Latching on to the one thing that Nuriko had hoped she might miss, Miaka frowned, "Change?"

Nuriko shifted uncomfortably, "I've learned that I can't protect you very well in women's clothing..." Before she could respond, he had grabbed his tunic and pants and ducked behind the screen to show her what he could not easily explain in words. He redid his hair while still behind the screen, then took a deep breath and stepped out from behind it. It was somewhat anticlimactic, therefore, when he found Miaka ignoring him completely and instead absorbed in something that she'd found on his vanity. It was with no small amount of surprise that Miaka saw that it was Kourin's brush that had caught his miko's eye...

She had a delicate frown on her face, as if she were trying to remember something. She turned her face up to him and said, "Ne, Nuriko... have I seen this before?" He mutely shook his head and she turned back to studying the brush, "There's writing on the back, but I can't read the characters. What does it say?"

Nuriko took the brush from Miaka's hands and turned it over in his own. He knew those words by heart, but still felt the need to look upon them as he read them. Nearly choking on the words, he read quietly, "Wo ai ni, imouto. Happy Birthday. -Your niichan, Ryuuen..." Then finally getting his breathing firmly back under control, Nuriko handed the brush back to her.

Miaka frowned again, still going over the brush, then she paused and turned a questioning look at Nuriko. Understanding wordlessly what his miko wanted, he smiled, and took the brush from her. He undid the buns on her head and brushed out her hair, part of him barely believing what he was doing. Miaka leaned back into the brushstrokes, reminding him vaguely of Galaxy as she did so, though he knew as well as any girl that having one's hair brushed is one of the most relaxing and wonderful feelings in the world. When he was done, he tied her hair back up and patted her back. She smiled and put a hand to her hair, "So soft..."

Nuriko suddenly realized what he must do and why Taiitsu-kun had denied him the opportunity to bond closer to Miaka before she'd left. He had not been ready to take on that closeness. Seeking to have Kourin back in his life in whatever way he could, he had almost ignored the most important thing... that while Miaka had been Kourin... Miaka was not now Kourin. In order to have Miaka in his life now, he would have to start letting go of the past and embrace the future. And this small piece of it could be the bridge. He pushed the brush back into her hands, "Miaka-chan, I want you to have it." She protested, arguing that it was his brush and whoever gave it to him must have loved him a whole lot to write such a nice message. He nearly burst out laughing at her words. After all, he had been the gift-giver and she the receiver! He smiled, "It's all right, Miaka-chan, I want you to have it. Really. Please... It would mean a lot."

Miaka looked up at him at that last, a puzzled look on her face. Nuriko blushed, caught without a ready explanation. Well, maybe he couldn't give her all of it... but he could give her a piece of the truth, just the same, "I-I just want you to have something of mine... Something for you to have in case you have to leave again."

Miaka smiled and cradled the brush to her chest, finally accepting the gift. She reached up and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. With a bittersweet smile, Nuriko recognized the gesture as one a sister might give, "Thank you, Nuriko... I'll treasure it." She pulled back then, finally taking a closer look at him. Her eyes went all starry and she let out a shriek of delight, "Oh my G-d! Nuriko... I can't believe it! You're good looking as a guy!" Nuriko flushed a brilliant shade of scarlet as Miaka dragged him down the hall to the Emperor's throne room.

Hotohori looked on in amusement as Miaka hung all over a very embarrassed Nuriko. The other seishi obviously wasn't used to being fawned over by a woman and Hotohori found it very funny to see the table turned on him like it was. When Miaka made her request, he watched Nuriko's face. There was such a fierce look in his eyes... As if he would kill anything that dared to threaten Miaka. Even Tamahome's eyes hadn't looked so fiercely determined when protecting his love. Hotohori had to wonder at Nuriko's motives... But one thing was certain, Nuriko would keep Miaka safe or die trying -- whatever the reason. Quite a turn-a-round from his earlier attitude... He gave them permission to go, and gave them the Suzaku no Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho as added insurance. Silently he begged Nuriko to keep Miaka safe, since he could not.

Once they had permission, Nuriko and Miaka left the palace with as little fanfare as they could manage. Traveling with only the two of them, they would be safer in anonymity. Nuriko mounted the gelding they had been given, then reached down to lift Miaka into place behind him. She wrapped her arms securely about his waist, pressing her small body into his back. Nuriko's heart started beating a little too rapidly. It was hard to believe, even after having three months to process the idea, that he really had his imouto back... And now he would have this entire journey alone with her! In a way, it was like being able to fulfill a promise to his sister that had sat too long unkept -- his promise to take her on adventures with him when he grew to be a seishi. It was nothing like he'd imagined it would be... but in some ways, it was better. He kicked the horse into a canter, eager to be on their way.

After several minutes passed with no words from Miaka, Nuriko grew worried. It wasn't like Miaka to be so still, so quiet. In that regard, they were very alike. But Nuriko knew from past experience that if he broached the subject with her directly, Miaka was simply turn on her considerable charm and try to divert him from discovering whatever it was that was bothering her. Maybe there was another way. Maybe if he listened, he would be able to hear his miko's thoughts as he had that day he'd almost lost her... Bringing his senses to bear on the silence that sat uneasily behind him, his patience was soon rewarded.

~What if he really doesn't love me? Maybe that's why he left...~ Nuriko knew that it was Miaka's thoughts he was hearing -- they could belong to no one else. Stung by the pain and anxiety he could clearly hear in his miko's thoughts, he could not just leave it at that. He spoke up quietly, his voice sounding deeper than it had in years, "Miaka-chan, you should have seen Tama-chan when you were gone! He was so distracted and depressed. He walked into walls and even ate plates! He was completely gone. Because he missed you, Miaka-chan. He loves you... he just doesn't know how to show it, yet."

Miaka didn't respond, but the tightening of her arms around his waist convinced Nuriko that his words had eased her worries. He hadn't had long to savor his victory, however, when the sky began to darken around them. Reminded too forcefully of the last time that had happened, Nuriko urged the horse on faster, not wanting to be caught by whatever darkness seemed to be massing in the shadows of the forest. Suddenly his horse reared up and Miaka fell to the ground. He fought with the rearing horse, trying desperately to calm him so he wouldn't trample Miaka, all the while scenes of Kourin's first death fluttered through his thoughts. When the horse was finally under control, he leaned over, terrified that he had been too late getting the gelding calmed, "Miaka! Are you all right??" Before she could respond, they were surrounded. The horse's reins were grabbed and Nuriko was pulled roughly from the saddle.

A figure wielding a scythe walked slowly towards Miaka, his figure cloaked in shadows. Nuriko remembered hearing rumors of assassins hired to kill Suzaku no Miko and hurriedly shrugged off his captors to rush to Miaka's side. He should have learned his lesson after his first solo journey! Better to move more slowly and have a full escort, hell, a whole army. Damn it! Before he got to her, however, the menacing figure dropped his weapon and Miaka flew into his arms. It took a moment for understanding to filter through, then with a sigh of relief, Nuriko recognized Tamahome. There was a fleeting stab of jealousy when he saw how happy Miaka was to see the other seishi, but he quickly shook it off. He had no right to be jealous. Then Tamahome eyes tracked towards him and his face alit with genuine joy at the sight of the older seishi. He gave Nuriko a broad smile and the feminine seishi could feel his face flush at the open warmth in that gaze.

Tamahome introduced them to the group of people he was defending. He'd not had time to tell Tamahome that they had been traveling less than openly, but realized with relief that the younger boy had only told the leader of the group of men with him that Miaka was Suzaku no miko. But how then would Nuriko be explained...?

Tamahome didn't give him long to wonder as he slapped the older boy's back and proclaimed, "And this guy's gay!"

Nuriko's face went white, then red and he advanced on Tamahome to give him a good, hard whack on the head, "Tama-chan!" Even though he feared that the words were more true than the other seishi knew, that didn't mean he wanted it spread around any further than it had been already!

With an apologetic smile, Tamahome amended his statement, "No really, he's a Suzaku Seishi -- Nuriko."

Nuriko nodded in satisfaction. That was better. But, before he could really have time to celebrate his "victory" he heard Miaka cry out, too late for him to do anything. A pair of arms pulled her from the clearing and Tamahome gave chase. Nuriko was about to do the same when he saw a flash of light out of the corner of his eye. He turned and...

Sweet Suzaku!! He was thrown back against a tree by the wind of several heavy arrows and barely managed to pull all his limbs out of the way of the rest. He squeezed his eyes shut, almost not wanting to know if he'd lost something important to the arrows and unable to feel any pain past the adrenaline surging through his system. He peeled an eye open and looked down at himself. There was no damage, sure, but it had been awfully close!

He heard a gasp behind him and lowered his leg from the awkward position it was in. His eyes took in the carnage around him with a heavy heart. Not everyone had been as lucky as he. Eyeing the pools of gore surrounding him, Nuriko fought the urge to throw up. Everyone was dead. Everyone. He heard Tamahome and Miaka's frantic questions as they returned and answered as best he could. He pulled an arrow from the trunk near his head and snapped it in two. Assassins. It had to be. After Miaka. He was grateful that whoever it was had pulled her out of the clearing before they had gotten to her. He didn't know what he would have done if she had been killed... again.

Tamahome led them back to the town to tell the people of the things that they had seen, and the awful fate which had befallen their brothers. Nuriko pulled Miaka into the safe circle of his arms as Tamahome told the sad tale. She leaned into his embrace, burying her face in his chest. He kissed the top of her head and held her closer.

Having lost track of time as he held his imouto in his arms, the hand that descended onto his shoulder caused him to jump slightly. It was only Tamahome. The younger boy glanced at Miaka, who was all but asleep in Nuriko's arms. A look of tender affection crossed his features and he held out his arms to lift Miaka into them. He was therefore extremely startled when he met with resistance. He lifted an eyebrow at the older seishi, "Nuriko? We should put her to sleep..."

Instead of handing over Miaka like Tamahome expected him to do, Nuriko lifted her into his arms, cradling her small body against his chest. He wasn't ready to let her go... not yet. But Tamahome was right -- she should be in a bed. Nuriko nodded, "Show me the way."

Tamahome frowned, but did so. What was with Nuriko? Of all people, Nuriko knew how deeply he cared for Miaka and the last he'd checked, Nuriko liked men, specifically a certain Emperor. When had he decided that he was straight? Tamahome felt a surge of jealousy well up in his being, but quashed it. Nuriko had been a dear friend to him while Miaka had been gone. He wouldn't do something that would wreck that friendship... would he? He pointed Nuriko towards the room they would share and made some excuse to go outside so he could watch from the window.

He was extremely startled at what he saw. Nuriko laid Miaka down on the bed and tugged off her clothes, pulling on her pajamas with the ease of long familiarity. He tucked her into the covers and sat watching her with a tender smile on his face. He gently brushed Miaka's bangs off of her face and placed a small kiss on her forehead. Tamahome resisted the urge to throw open the door and demand to know what was going on. It was painfully obvious what was going on! Nuriko was after his beloved! He clenched his fists at his side. One thing was for certain, though -- he and Nuriko were going to have a long talk about this...

Nuriko stared down at Miaka, a sweet smile on his face at her quiet snoring. He brushed her bangs out of her eyes and pressed a light kiss to her brow. "Imouto-chan... You have no idea what it means to me to have you here and safe, to have you back where I can, once again, watch over you. I love you..." He pressed another light kiss to each of Miaka's cheeks and one to the tip of her upturned nose, then slowly stood, still watching Miaka's sleeping form. He counted each rise and fall of her chest, each precious breath, as if it were the most marvelous thing in the world. And perhaps it was...

Reluctantly, Nuriko walked away from the bed to go find his pack. He was startled by a growl from behind him. He spun to find Tamahome watching him with fire in his eyes. His own eyes widened in response, He looks like he's ready to kill me! He backed up a pace from the look in Tamahome's eyes. Tamahome growled again, "Outside, please? I want to talk to you..." With that last comment, he stalked away.

Nuriko swallowed heavily, knees shaking slightly. Where the hell had that come from and what was the matter with that stupid boy? He was acting, for all the world, like some kind of, of... Oh dear. Like some kind of jealous lover. He glanced in Miaka's direction as he walked towards the door. And how the hell do I explain this one without sounding completely insane?

Reaching the low porch, Nuriko quickly spotted the other seishi. Tamahome was gripping the wooden rail so tightly that it creaked. He didn't look all too happy... Warily, Nuriko approached the still and silent figure, "Tama-chan...? What's the matter?"

Tamahome rounded on him, slamming him back into the railing, "What's the matter?? How dare you ask me that! I see you fawning all over the woman I love and you ask me what's the matter?? I trusted you, Nuriko! But perhaps I shouldn't have! Sliding into my good graces just to steal Miaka out from under me... wasn't the Emperor enough for you?"

With a curse, Tamahome quickly decided that the shock and betrayal in the other boy's eyes couldn't be fake. He let up a little when Nuriko started to shake slightly. The older boy's mouth opened once or twice, finally producing a small whimper. He hung his head, his voice quiet, "Nothing I say will convince you otherwise, will it? You've already made up your mind that I could betray you like that. I suppose that I don't deserve your trust... but all the same, I thought I had it." His eyes when they finally rose from their lowered position, were extremely sad.

Tamahome stepped back a couple of feet. "I'm willing to listen to an explanation, if you have one." He thought he was being more than generous.

Nuriko snorted, shaking his head, slowly, "Not one that you would believe, Tamahome-kun." He turned, facing the forest, eyes gazing up at the stars. "Would it satisfy you to know that I look on Miaka as a sister and nothing more? Is that enough of an explanation?"

Tamahome walked over to stand next to him, though not quite willing to meet his eyes, yet. "Do you mean that? Really mean it?"

Nuriko nodded, "I do. Miaka means more to me than my own life, but I can't tell you why. It wouldn't be right. But believe me when I tell you that I would never get between you. She means too much to me to ruin her happiness that way. You, as well, Tamahome... you're one of the only friends I have. That friendship is also very important to me and having lived without its like for far too long, I would not betray it."

Tamahome let out a breath, "All right. If that's all that there is to this, then I apologize for misunderstanding your intentions."

Nuriko turned to go back inside, whispering, "Take care of her Tamahome-kun. In case some day, I can not." With those cryptic words, Nuriko went back to their room to go to sleep, leaving Tamahome feeling almost bruised by the conversation. Like so many things involving the feminine seishi, there was clearly more to this situation than met the eye. But just as surely as he knew that, Tamahome also knew that he would get no further explanation out of the older seishi. He would just have to bide his time... and wait.